Vulnerable and Rusty

I awoke this Sunday morning to a personal vow of not allowing work to be all-encompassing in the practice to continue to live a more balanced life.  Breakfast is finished and I’m feeling encouraged. I pull out the computer and sit in my favorite spot at the end of the dining room table. The energy is good here and I enjoy the brain breaks the wide window to the neighborhood provides.  As I acknowledge the want to write more and allow my creativity to flow, my fingers go to work on the keyboard as my right arm breaks out into hives.

Convinced the breakout is in direct correlation with the swirling thoughts I’m suppressing about Monday approaching, lessons that need attention, and papers that need grading, I pretend I’m not stressed by the idea of it all.  My body continues to react and denial allows the hives to hop over to my left arm.  My breathing gets shallower.

I remove myself from the table and walk over to the bookshelf to look for my thin, little book of sanity written by Louis Hay, published in 1998, the very year I began teaching.  What irony.  I do a quick flip through the pages of Heal Your Body A – Z  in search of “H” .  I skim passed Hip Problems and Hirsutism, not knowing what that is, and land on Hives (Urticaria) see: Rash.


Probable Cause: Small, hidden fears, Mountains out of molehills.

New Thought Pattern: I bring peace to every corner of my life

For lots of reasons, it makes perfect sense to me. I’ve switched roles at work and I’m not being as patient with myself as I need to be.  Now I’m curious about what message  Rash has to offer. I continue to flip through the pages to the beginning of the R’s pass Rabies at the top of the list, and land on Rash.  This is what I find:

Probable Cause: Irritation over delays. Babyish way to get attention

New Thought Pattern: I love and approve of myself. I am at peace with the process of life.

Irritation over delays I get.  My world of work is not where I’d like it to be and I’m working really hard to honor all those things that are not where I’d like them to be like: this week’s lessons, the class blog, filing, the dinners I’m not cooking at night because I’m too tired, and the yoga classes I’m not attending any longer for the same reason.

Babyish way of getting attention, I didn’t get. I sat with this probable cause for a bit. It didn’t take me long to figure out it is meant to tell me to buck up and get over it.  Snap out of it.

I’m learning to give myself permission to feel the feelings that arise and not to judge.  I’ve also learned to offer these moments up and allow my higher power to take over.  This is the best treat of all.  Remembering that I’m not in this alone makes everything so much more delightful.  Time to sit, breathe, and be thankful I have a job to be anxious over 😉

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